Embracing the inner You in a "Selfie Nation"

Recently I have been overwhelmed with the amount of insecurity and self-doubt on social media.  From pre-teens projecting their superiority over others because they have the latest on-trend fashion item, to working moms questioning their ability to juggle a professional career over precious family time, to the "selfie nation" posts proclaiming just how fantastic they are.  Don't get me wrong, I love a good selfie every now and then, but really, do you need to post pictures of yourself just to see how many people will comment on your gorgeous face, or your perfect hair day?  Loving one's self is critical to our survival, but I'm noticing more and more that mainstream media and popular culture is leading all of us down a path to self-righteousness, entitlement, and ultimately, depression.

You're probably thinking, "How in the world will a selfie lead to me being depressed?"  It's really quite simple.  So many of us seek the approval of others.  We want the cute boy in class to look our way, to notice our hair, or the new mascara that makes our eyes look amazing.  Or perhaps it's the new pair of killer heels that we just got on sale at Nordstrom.  You know the ones- Those heels that make our legs seem like they go on for days.  We all want others to like or perhaps even envy us, because it serves as validation that we actually matter.  For some, self confidence naturally flows- thoughts of worthlessness or self-doubt never enter their consciousness.  But, for so many others, the battle between inner confidence and outward expression becomes a daily struggle. In many ways, the need to constantly seek this validation only leads to greater insecurity.

In high school, I was not a part of the popular crowd.  I wasn't an athlete, nor was I a drama club kid, so I never really felt like I fit in with everyone else.  I navigated through high school with a quiet invincibility which has left me with few pictures from that period in my life.  I look back and wonder why I allowed myself to disappear into the crowd rather than make a statement and leave a lasting impression.  In all honesty, I was severely insecure.  I never felt that I was pretty enough or athletic enough to join a team.  I felt inadequate in every way.  Everyday was a struggle; comparing myself to those with better clothes, more money, or more talent. I sought the approval of my peers, even though a large part of me never wanted to be a "popular girl."   When I reflect upon those years and although I remember the feelings of insecurity, I am able to realize a true quality about myself that I never saw then.  I did know myself.   I didn't need to be like everyone else.  I wasn't even on the same page as others and thus, the reason why I didn't feel like I fit in.  It wasn't the clothes- I had my own style unique to me.  My empathy was blossoming and as a result, I began to pull myself back from the harsh energies around me.  I I may not have realized it then, but I can totally see it now.  I didn't lack confidence.  I just didn't care to be something I wasn't.  I didn't fit in because I wasn't like everyone else.  I was just embracing ME.  I was discovering my beliefs and perspectives.  My focus no longer narrowed onto the high school life, but rather philosophy, religion and world views.  I was curious and questioned everything, including my "need" to be like everyone else.  Truth is, I didn't have to be like them.  I just had to be me.

So when I see so many selfies posted on social media, I often question their impetus.  Why do we post so many pictures of ourselves?  Is it because we all want and perhaps, need, validation from others?  Is it because we need external sources to reinforce our vanity, our social status, or our relevance?  Or is it because we want others to perceive us as being confident, even though once the flash stops, we're doubting the very photo we just posted?

In all honesty, #selfienation worries me.   I wonder how society will be in five or ten years, when we've all grown accustomed to a tethered life.  What type of people will we be?  Will we constantly seek validation through selfies and social media, rather than in-person interaction?  Will we be able to meet someone on the street, strike up a conversation and truly embrace face to face contact, or will the moment pass us by?  Will we constantly be checking our phones and tablets- just to see if anyone new has liked our post or favorited our most recent tweet?  I worry about young guys and girls nowadays using apps like Instagram.  I've seen many "photo challenges" pop up in my feed and I'm always curious as to how certain photos are selected for each day.  How do you look at photos of yourself to decide which one of you is :the best?"  Why aren't the others just as good?  Sometimes I see girls post self-deprecating tags like, "nooneswcw," "notasprettyasher."  These posts both sadden and infuriate me.  Because I can identify with feeling unworthy as a teen, when I see these posts, I just want to say, "Who told you you're not good enough?"  Who gets to tell you that you're lacking in ANY way?

#carselfie

No one can tell you that you're not good enough or that you don't matter.  No one has the right to say that someone else is prettier than you, or is better than you.  Believe in yourself.  Know yourself.  I know that it's difficult trying to keep up with others; with the expensive clothes and fancy makeup.  I know that you look at celebrities and want to be like them or to have the lifestyle they have, but don't you ever compare yourself.  Ever.  You have a unique beauty within you that no one else can claim.  You were brought into this world to make an impact, to inspire others; to BE THE LIGHT.  Don't ever let self-doubt take over.  You are far too great to allow any negative force make you invisible.  Stand up for what you believe in.  KNOW THAT YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.  Know you're here for a purpose, even if you haven't discovered it yet.  Embrace your strengths and learn from your weaknesses.  Don't ever let others project onto you.  You are a Divine being destined to do great things.

And if you ever have a moment when you're doubting your greatness, pause to give thanks for the great things in your life.  You are beautiful.  You are someone's greatest joy and reason for living.  You are DIVINE.

Until next time, loves...