Tell them. Tell them today. Now. Don't wait.
If you love someone, tell them today,
because you never know if tomorrow will be too late.
If you were to ask my family, they'd tell you that I am the one who always gives my mom a quick peck on the cheek when I say goodbye. Or that I have to do the same to my grandfather the minute I see him. I probably smooch my little guy way too much and always make sure to tell my husband that I love him every chance I get. I love love and try my best to make sure that everyone around me knows just how much I appreciate and care for them. In our world, family is not just blood- it's our friends, our neighbors, colleagues, and fire family that make us who we are. It's the people we meet through those friends; who we bring into our lives and adopt as our own. It's relatives we haven't seen in forever, but with whom we are able to take up right where we left off. It's also complete strangers who we only know through news and media; that we feel a connection to, either celebrating their joy or mourning their loss. Love is, in every circumstance, the very essence of our existence.
Recently, my husband had to say goodbye to a mentor and colleague in the fire service. Though not always seeing eye to eye, he was a man Darrin looked to for advice and respected sincerely for his commitment to our community and its people. After having devoted a lifetime to protecting our town, losing him was like losing a piece of history. Saying goodbye was not an easy thing for my husband to do and I knew that losing his friend would change him. No longer would he be able to call and ask questions or share stories with him. His mentor was gone.
I watched as my husband went about the motions- getting ready for each day with less anticipation of the day about to unfold. Though he knew his friend was at peace and would no longer be suffering, it was still not a reality Darrin was ready to face. So often we all think we're prepared and ready to give our final goodbye to those we love, but when the time comes, goodbye takes on a whole new meaning.
The weekend was nice- nothing unusual or overly exciting. I busied myself with household chores and played games with Jackson while Darrin worked. We spent time playing games together, sneaking in a little TV, and even found ourselves able to make a little syrup in the purple sugar shack. We were surrounded by friends and family; laughing and joking the day away. But then Monday morning came...
Seeing my husband Monday morning was nothing I had anticipated. In his eyes, I saw loss. I saw pain. I saw sorrow. It was a side of my husband that I had only seen once, maybe twice before, and it is something I never want to see again. Watching as my husband broke into a puddle of tears left me unsteady and rocked me to my core. For someone who tries in earnest to be the source of strength for so many, his tears were genuine and overwhelming. Here he was- this strong willed and dedicated leader- but as he stood before me, I saw in him loss and fear like never before. For the first time in our marriage, I didn't know what to do.
Step back a few nights ago... Darrin's fire department received a tone to respond to an accident- routine, though never a call you want to take. The wind was howling, rain was coming down, and it was cold. Suited up in bunker gear, he set off to assess the scene before giving a report. What he saw, I don't think he was prepared for. Two young adults were in the accident. Perhaps a scenario he had seen before, however, it didn't prepare him for the flood of emotions which overtook him instantly. The color of the vehicle, the ages of those involved- suddenly his worst fear became a reality... Was this his daughter? No, it couldn't be. But it was some one's daughter.
What transpired over the next several hours is more than I can imagine, and events I don't have all of the details for. Tragedy struck our little town, leaving a permanent mark on all of us. Some of us knew her, others knew of her, while still others knew her family. But regardless of the connection, when we lose someone so young, taken too soon- it makes us all question why. What was the reason for it? Why does it have to be this way? Questions spring forth and new emotions flood in. Doubt, fear, sorrow, anger.... We search for answers that may never come. We search for some one, or something that can make it right, We want to know how we could possibly move forward when so much has been taken away. In these moments when we question, we must turn to love. Faith teaches us not to question, but to seek comfort in knowing we are loved by a Divinity far greater than we can comprehend. We are taught to love one another, comfort one another, and peace will be found.
As I reflected upon these events, I began to question myself. Do all my friends and family know how much I love and appreciate them? Do I tell them enough? Have I apologized for mistakes I've made or issues of the past? Have I come to know peace in situations and perceptions beyond my control?
Take a minute and think about your life. Take stock of your friends and family, co-workers, colleagues, and acquaintances. Reflect upon your relationship to each one, noticing the feelings associated with each person. Do you feel regret, anger, or hostility? Why do you feel that way? What led to these emotions and negative feelings? Now look at the situation from a different angle. What would help to alleviate the tension? Is it more regret? More anger? More hostility? No. The answer is love.
Love lifts our emotions to a place unreachable by any negative feelings. Love provides the barrier and shelter when the heart needs healing. It allows us to embrace welcome memories; transcending us to happier times. It releases our fears and teaches us strength. Genuine love never ceases.
Even I have had relationships with family and friends over time which may not have ended up the way I wanted. At times I've succumb to anger and found myself resentful towards another, not seeing that my own actions were making the situation worse. I have looked for apologies that would never come. But through it all and in every situation, I've come to peace. I've chosen to see every part of my past from a place of love.
When all is said and done, and your time on Earth is over, how will you be able to look back on the life you had? Will you remember the petty squabbles, or how a life shattering situation one day changed you, never again to be the same? Will you look back with anger and regret, wishing that things had been different- perhaps that you had made an effort to make amends, forging past the ugliness life dealt you? Or will you one day look back and see only joy? Will you have chosen, somewhere along the way, that happiness and joy were all that mattered? Will you be able to notice the instances where love overcame and led your life in ways you'd always imagined?
My hope for you is that, when the time comes, you will be able to reflect upon your time here, relishing in the truly great moments- when you held your little baby for the very first time, or perhaps when you graduated high school or college with wild excitement and anticipation for what would come next. I hope that you can one day remember the laughs, the joy and the love that filled your days and eased your fears. I hope that, despite whatever life dealt you, you were able to truly know love. Love is what we all seek and what we should all live by.
Moving from a place of love allows us to find our way through sorrow, to forgive past grievances, and to embrace life with a renewed sense of hope. It allows us to forgive those situations and people who have changed us. It provides the light in which we can see into the darkness, rather than fear it. It brings us to inner knowing. To acceptance. To peace. To new love.
I truly do hope that you move from a place of love and that you are able to recognize it it others.
I hope that you allow it to guide you, to teach you, and to heal you.
Like the air that we breathe, we all need it to survive.
In closing for today, I leave you with my own personal mantra-
FORGIVE FREELY. LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY.
There may come a day when you'll wish you had.
Until next time, loves....
